(I just want to reiterate that I am NOT a mental health professional and these posts are just an expression of my opinion.)
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. I think this is a common malady among Americans at the moment. We’re tired of everything being political. Coronavirus and racial tensions are one thing, but when those are combined with clear political agendas by a tiny, but very loud, fraction of our population, well it just ends up being emotionally exhausting.
I’ve been wondering a lot why everyone is so mad and upset, including myself. There are a few clear cut reasons why, one would be the statistics which show more black people are killed at the hands of law enforcement than white. I can see why that needs to be corrected and why people are down-right pissed off about it. So I know there are legitimate reasons out there for people to be angry.
But masks? Scientifically driven data and advice? Pretty much anything else? I feel that if I said spaghetti sauce should never have ground beef added, that there would be a strong vocal opposition to that by those who prefer the addition of beef. It just feels like everything. I don’t get why issues have become so extremely politicized except that we, the people, have allowed them to.
It made me think about the emotions that are ultimately behind those extreme views. In my opinion, the main one is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of people who are different in any way from ourselves. Fear of economic uncertainty. Fear for our personal health. Fear.
Fear is often expressed through anger. It’s unfortunate that our society doesn’t allow the emotional space for us to be open with one another and express that we’re worried or scared. So we lash out. I have used anger for most of my life to cover up just about any emotion out there. I couldn’t even verbally describe the emotion I was truly feeling because anger had taken over everything. I’ve come a long way past that, but I still tend to revert back to that default when tired and stressed. Like now.
I think that mostly we’re afraid that some group within our own country will somehow find a way to dictate their cultures and values onto all the others and erase our individual identities. In some way a fear of socialism, fascism or communist. When a group shouts that the police force should be defunded, those who are on the other side become fearful that the police will be removed completely and lawlessness will take over. When those who support police push back, the group that has seen only biased violence from them becomes fearful that nothing will change and they must continue to live in fear of going jogging in their own neighborhood. There is a middle ground, I know that there is, but the discussion doesn’t seem to be going there – or at least not much of the discussion. So we therefore continue to live in fear that the opposing viewpoint will become a dictatorial presence and suppress our own rights, and with this example, our personal safety.
I use the example of the police force because it’s such a presence at the moment. But there is also the issues of abortion, gender identity, equal rights, health care, and the list could go on.
With the world population growing and less and less places for us to get away from the chaos, I wonder if the anger stems from the feeling that we can’t be left alone and be ourselves? I wonder if we can emotionally grow as a society and provide room for dissenting thoughts and opinions without immediately labeling those as bad or evil?
I have a post I wrote on why I no longer will watch The Bold Type, a show that I adored its first couple of seasons which airs on Freeform. I don’t think I’ll ultimately post that but the short version is that it has become too preachy, too political, and way to judgmental. Case in point, during this past season, a woman was introduced to the cast as a lawyer, Republican, right-wing, conservative. One character (Kat) begins to feel an affection for this woman (both characters are gay) and the other main characters in the show criticize Kat immediately because the lawyer/conservative woman is “evil” and should not be allowed to be a part of Kat’s life. I found the storyline harsh and divisive and for a show that wants to create a new narrative for young women, I thought it only created an aura of anger and hate.
This type of label and judgement is the problem. Most republicans or democrats don’t buy into the whole extreme agenda of the RNC or DNC, yet if you are one, the other group will label you as having the exact same agenda as the larger organization. Few people in this world are “evil”. Most of us just have ideas of who we want to be and the path we want to take. And there’s no way that picture will be equally in line with anyone else. If our path is different, we’re not evil, we’re just different.
Some things have to be hashed out and laws must be made regarding the legal rights we have to do something or not do something. Sometimes these are personal, and therefore painful, issues. The biggest may be abortion rights. Others may be homosexual marriage, the death penalty, gun rights. When our personal value on one of these issues contradicts what our laws say, it’s very difficult. We feel like we have to change our value or our opinion and I would like to say that no we don’t. We don’t have to change how WE FEEL about it, but we must realize that others feel differently and we can’t both have it our way. We must respect the laws while they are in place and vote for people who will change the laws when they need to change. And we must realize that laws do change.
There used to be laws and rules or general standards that prevented a black person from marrying a white one and women couldn’t have checking accounts in their own name. I’ll stop at two examples, but that list could get really long. The point is that over time, we come to realize that historical standards take away someone else’s right to love, to dream, and to experience life. The laws associated with that must evolve to allow us all our freedoms. We must evaluate those laws and regulations carefully though and change them thoughtfully when needed. Checks and balances must remain in place to prevent a government being installed that would destroy our democracy. We cannot let mob rule of any kind make damaging changes that will take years to unravel. Thoughtful discussions are key and listening to opposing sides with respect and kindness is important.
We need to find room within ourselves to allow our values to remain while respecting the different values of others. We need to learn that we can dream and still have the life we want but not at the expense of someone else being forced to give up their dreams and goals.
Somehow, within each of us, we must emotionally grow. We need leaders who can promote that type of internal emotional space. Those who can find gentle ways to allows us to accept that we really are a melting pot of people that I think CAN find a way to co-exist with one another. I must believe that our common humanity will prevail and we’ll understand there is room for all of us after all.
