We love second chances. We cheer for the underdogs in just about any situation. As a general rule, most of us want to put our pasts in the past and become someone better. Somehow, the beginning of the calendar year is when we decide to do that. So we put together New Year’s Resolutions. We set goals for ourselves that often go unreached, but in that moment when we set them, we feel powerful.
I typically don’t set New Year’s Resolutions. I know I’m not likely to be able to hold myself accountable long enough to actually achieve them. Except for once. One year I said I wasn’t going to eat donuts for three months. When I made that goal, I didn’t want to stop and ended up being donut-free for over a year. Now donuts don’t taste nearly as good to me. That’s a good thing. It means I still rarely eat them today.
I seem to set goals for myself when the seasons change. I guess New Year’s Day does technically fall at the beginning of the calendar part of winter – so that fits into my general plan but I’m more prone to set goals in the fall and spring. I just find it hard to feel the stresses from Thanksgiving and Christmas (and this year the whole pandemic, election, human rights issues) and then try to start out with energy at the first of the year to accomplish something big. It seems foolish. I want to rest and regroup first. But I like the idea of starting fresh and given the way 2020 went, I thought it might be good to ponder this idea of resolutions further.
This year, I see things just a bit different. Rather than setting goals that need to be achieved, I think I’d just like to ponder who I want to become. I also feel inspired by Rebel Wilson who I recently learned has created a habit of assigning themes for herself each year. For her, 2020 was “The Year of Health”. I like that idea of an overall theme better than a singular goal. Anyone who studies goals and plans will tell you that unless you have actionable items with timelines associated to those goals, tasks won’t get done, and that’s true. But when it comes to my own personal life, and my own personal demons, setting those strict types of parameters makes it much harder for me to move forward. Making a year a general theme can still help me focus my energies rather than the scatter-brained approach I have today. Yet it allows me the space to breathe and be human. I’m trying to figure out what it means to actually relax and I need to factor that into my personal ambitions. Maybe if I can actually relax – I can stop itching!! (damn these long-term hives!)
I’m starting to come to grips with goal-setting in my personal life doesn’t work and have come to the conclusion that my youth was spent in a family where chores were constant. Something always had to be done and always had to get done. Of course I had time to play and plenty of toys to play with, but as an adult reflecting on that time, it certainly felt like playing usually had to happen after the animals were cared for and supper had been made and rooms had been picked up. We always had to be somewhere and were usually late to wherever we were going. Setting strict goals for myself, even those I want to accomplish, feel too closely like those childhood chores, too much like an obligation and responsibility rather than a reward waiting for me upon accomplishment. They stress me out.
To that end, I started writing out a list of things that would be great to accomplish in 2021. I did this to see if I could find a pattern and after a couple of days of ruminating on the list, I did come up with a general theme for me for the year.
2021: A Year To Finish Things!
I started out my list with items that I wanted to accomplish, like finishing a book I started to write (oddly enough I did start one last fall, it just kinda fell out onto the computer screen), finishing some of my sewing projects, finishing fixing things…you get the picture. Several of my conversations with my therapist involve my inability to get off my ass and do the things I dream about. There’s something inside me that stops short of getting something done. A little over a year ago, thanks to the aforementioned therapy, I was able to see that I am the only reason I don’t accomplish what I want and for a short time, I actually say down and finished a couple of projects and it was a powerful feeling. Given that my entire career is about project management, it’s important that I learn how to finish things much better than I do currently. I don’t know why I leave items undone, but I do know I have totes of unfinished sewing projects and I’m determined to complete them in 2021 and clean up some of the chaos in my life.
New Year’s Resolutions aren’t about just setting goals to achieve or losing weight, they are about giving ourselves a second (or 40th) chance to become someone better. After 2020, we all want better and for me that means learning to finish projects, repair items, and follow through better. Here’s to the better people we will become in 2021!
