A couple of weeks before Christmas I set a two week goal for myself. I didn’t post it until about one week before Christmas, but I had started out with the goals around mid-December. They included working out somewhat specifically during that time period, logging my activities through my fitness tracker and logging/watching what I ate. How did I do with those? Not so great, which is not so surprising. Very little exercise actually happened, but I did make some progress in the other areas. I wore my fitness tracker about 80% of the time and logged my food about half the time.
The small successes with those two pieces of the puzzle helped me build my resolve into January. I’ve been wearing my fitness tracker and attempting to get between 3500-4000 steps a day. Since a typical day for me can sometimes be around 2000 steps, that goal is decent for me. I didn’t do too bad with it the first couple of weeks of January either. My weekly progress email indicated that just last week, I averaged 3600 steps per day (average of course). I want to continue to increase on that. I’d like to eventually get to an average of 6000 steps per day and I know that will take some time.
I did really well at logging everything I ate for a solid two weeks in January, even the weekends. I made a really concentrated effort at trying to eat less than 1700 calories per day, by less I mean between 1500 and 1699. Most days I made it around the 1680-1790 mark. After two weeks, I was feeling hungry constantly and often felt lightheaded when I stood. My previous attempts at counting calories had made me aware that I need a couple of weeks to acclimate to the new food program. So I was starting to get frustrated that I continued to be hungry. I should note at this time that I eat at regular intervals throughout the day and eat a variety of food, including healthy recipes, vegetables and even some sugars in small quantities. I do not deprive myself of any one type of food and I do not attempt to not eat at all. Again – to be clear – I’m not a licensed dietician, this is just what I’m doing for myself. Please consult real professionals who are trained in the area of dietetics if you need assistance. I lost a pound after about 2 weeks, which was the rate I was looking to achieve (1/2 pound per week).
Then last week – it all went to shit.
I got tired of being hungry. I’ve been getting progressively more depressed as the month has gone on because of other areas of my life. My job is extremely boring right now. Not only am I not being given the responsibility that I was told I was going to have during my interview, I actually have significantly less responsibility than I’ve had in the better part of ten years. I feel that in some ways I’ve been demoted and ultimately that makes me feel worthless. I need to have a purpose, a motivation of some kind to keep me moving forward and that’s lacking right now. By the time I work 40 hours in this boring job, I’m so unmotivated, it’s even hard to work on the multiple things I am trying to do on the side (unrelated to my job) that could provide other areas of personal success for me. I’ve even gone a few weeks not writing for my site.
I knew I was feeling “blah” and not right, but couldn’t really put my finger on it. I should be able to recognize all kinds of signs of serious depression by now – I’ve experienced it enough – but I still didn’t quite see it. During the same time, I’ve had some extreme tightness and pain in my lower back and hip. So much that it’s keeping me up at night and it’s been very difficult to get through the work day without some high level of discomfort and achiness. I’ve had to take some steps because I can’t live with the physical pain. I think it’s been a combination of the depression along with the stress of needing to feel successful in some area of my life.
So during the last two weeks, I’ve been doing a series of various stretches that target the hips and lower back and have found some that have helped after I was consistent in doing them. Yet tonight I sit here, not having done them in two days, and the pain is returning. So once I’m done writing a draft of this post, I’ll be back on the floor running through them again.
That’s a pretty good motivator for me to get my butt moving and stop overeating if I can. This last week, I’ve also just ate whatever I wanted. Not only that, but I’m actually just telling myself to go eat, even when I’m not feeling hungry in any way. I haven’t logged my food intake, but I’m guessing I’m eating between 3000-4000 calories a day and I’ve been at it for seven straight days. Some people drink (which I’ve also included in my overeating binge in small quantities), some people smoke, some people do drugs – I eat. Food is my drug and I don’t like the results.
If the physical pain isn’t enough of a motivator, I have another one. Friends of ours have invited us to join them on one of those beach vacations next fall. One of those sunny places that require a passport and a couple of swimsuits (this all hinges on us being able to get that vaccination, which is somewhat in question right now given the supplies). Sure, I could go like I am, but what else could help me stay motivated than to want to not only look better in skimpier clothes, but feel good enough with enough energy to actually enjoy activities while on vacation. I haven’t had a vacation in four years – I need one. So I was trying to lose about ½ a pound per week for the next nine months so that I could get back to a weight that I was at in 2012. That’s not too much to ask, it’s not completely unattainable, but I blew it this week.
So, I’m trying my next strategy. That’s the key right? Just keep trying, just keep going? I’ll never be perfect but I figure if I can keep trying, that perhaps I’ll be successful more often than I fail and that will be good.
Here’s the next wacky strategy. As part of the depression, I’ve recognized a portion of that is coming from the monotony of my days. Yes, I have a thousand projects at home that could keep me creative and I’ve been gathering supplies for some sewing projects these past few weeks, and have created a list of projects one-by-one to work on. But it’s kinda all the same day in general. Go to work, come home, make supper, watch a show while we eat, have about an hour and a half of time before my brain loses any chance of concentration, then go to bed, most likely not sleep well, get up and do it all over. That’s been the routine for a while.
I don’t think that’ll change much, but I’m trying to find a way to switch up a little bit. I’m going to challenge myself to a month of workouts. Sure, it’s February, it’s short but it’s still a month! I’m going to try to work out in some way every single day for one full month. Now – hold on a moment – I know that working out every day is not actually that great for a person and I’ve taken that into account. I’ve already bookmarked several YouTube videos that I want to follow a couple of times. They include dance workouts and one, no-squat muscle workout, but they also include a Tai Chi video and a Yin Yoga video, both of which are light, relaxing and calming. They should allow me the “rest” days while still moving and helping me with the intense muscle tension that’s causing my hip and back pain. Also, the workouts are between 15 and 30 minutes so they’re somewhat short. In addition, I’ve learned my local mall is allowing the early morning walking programs, which I took advantage of today and will plan to do on the weekends. After the way my legs felt just walking for a good 30 minutes this morning, I clearly need much more of that! I also have my home rowing machine and stationary bicycle set up as well as a few workout DVDs and books if needed.
Tomorrow I attempt to get back on the food wagon, logging in what I’m eating and tracking my calories between workouts and intake. If I eat a little more because I’m just too hungry, I’m going to allow myself. I think one or two hundred extra calories, two or three times per week, is preferable to 1000-2000 extra calories for seven days straight. I’ve been doing a good job writing down my workouts in my planner so I have a log of what I’m doing. This is something I’ve not really done much of before and I think that it might actually help as well, so I’m going to keep that up. I also know that every scientist and doctor will tell us that exercise helps combat depression, so I’m also using this plan to assist with my mental health and will see if a consistent routine does make any difference, although I’m thinking it might take a few days to notice if any change in that area happens.
This next month’s plan won’t be perfect, but I’m going to give it a try and do the best I can. Even if there are more fails than successes throughout the month, I think there will still be something good to come out of it that I can build on when March 1st rolls around.
