Before I continue writing this post, it’s important for me to reiterate that I am NOT a qualified mental health professional. I’m still fighting my depression, so it’s also safe to say that I don’t have anything really figured out about how to combat it. So please read the following very cautiously and consult with qualified professionals.
All of my research on depression and burnout has resulted in mostly the same list of ways to kick either of those – and I find them frustrating. The suggestions are overwhelming and largely unattainable for me. This is because, as someone who’s deep into the depths of depression and burnout, I have almost no energy. I think it’s way too easy for others to say…go exercise, you’ll feel better! Sure, exercise has all types of research behind it to indicate that it can help, but knowing that doesn’t help me get up off the couch. This goes for eating healthier too. If my diet consists of a lot of fries and pizza, suddenly changing that to grilled chicken with carrots is a rather big ask because picking up fast food requires way less brain power and thought energy than planning, grocery shopping and cooking. I don’t think most of us can go from one side of a spectrum to the other without working to get there. Big jumps don’t usually happen.
So, I’m tired of those generic lists that don’t work for me. I felt like my last post on burnout was focused on what it is and how it seems to fit me. It seemed like a good idea to follow up with something that might be akin to a list of solutions. It’s also a way for me to put into writing some ideas that I can always come back to that may remind me of what I can do to keep moving forward.
Here are some things that I think help me – although I have to admit that for me, at least right now, the benefits seem to be small. But starting small is where I need to be.
- Identify the problem. As an architect, clients will often tell us they need more space or need a particular type of space. However, it’s our job to probe further and find out what is working or not working in their current space and CLEARLY IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM. Much of the time we learn that the best solution for them is not the one they initially thought it would be because they were trying to treat a symptom, not a problem. How can we solve any mental health issue if we don’t know what it is? If I went to the doctor and said I feel tired, the doctor would then ask us a bunch of questions to try to find out why we’re tired, not just try to treat the tiredness alone. I do my fair share of self-diagnosing, which might not be a good idea. But I also have a regular appointment with a qualified mental health therapist who I discuss my theories with. At this point, with my history, I have the working theory that I am both burned out (or bored out) compounded with depression. I’m attempting to find the source of that burn out/depression and I will discuss this further with my therapist at our next appointment.
- Practice basic personal hygiene. This means NOT wearing the same underwear all weekend long! But it also means bathing on some type of regular schedule. For me, as someone going into work each day, taking off my make-up at night makes me feel much better and yet I have a difficult time doing that. I think mentally making that more of a conscious effort helps me understand that I’m doing the basics I need to care for myself. There’s an element of caring about ourselves when practice basic hygiene. And caring about ourselves I think is a big part of starting to beat depression.
- Clean something. If I clean up my bathroom and put all the bottles and toiletries away, scrub the sink and wash the rug, I feel there’s a part of my life that is more organized and refreshed, if only for a couple of days until it’s all messed up again. Maybe there’s a table full of mail or a laundry basket overflowing with dirty clothes or that kitchen sink hasn’t been scrubbed for longer than anyone will admit and one of them can be cleaned or tidied up in some way. I think that cleaning up something in our home helps us feel in control and put together. I also feel like I accomplished something for the day.
- Dress up. I work in a professional office. Although my profession seems to be more and more casual all the time. I like fashion and dressing up, so this might be more personal to me. My office – at least with Covid protocols at the moment – can be very casual. I believe if we ever get out of pandemic mode that jeans will only be allowed on Fridays. But regardless, I take the opportunity to create an outfit most days. This involves the right shoes and accessories, not just a shirt and pants. Although I have a bit of a go-to in that area as well when I have really down days. Lately I’ve been thinking more about what I’ve been wearing and have been repeating this mantra in my head “dressing deliberately”. I plan to write about this idea in a different, fashion-inspired post. For now, in this context, it’s about taking time to get dressed – for your mood, the climate, your environment – it’s just being aware that how we dress can affect how we feel.
- Stretch. Being depressed comes with all kinds of aches and pains. Sitting at a desk all day and a couch most nights means that my body is arched into a C-shape. None of it’s good. Sure, running a 5K might help with all of that, but that’s not going to happen in the present! So, the next best thing is to stand up and stretch. Or for me, sit on the floor and do stretches for my hips and lower back. This makes me feel good because I’m doing something “healthy” and it also helps counteract the achiness.
- Wallow. Yep. I said it and every mental health professional MIGHT disagree with this, but sometimes the best way to make myself feel better is to hide away and wallow. This can mean going back to bed on the weekends. It might mean piling all the pillows and blankets on the sofa and watching two full movies (or more). It might mean giving myself permission to not feel guilty because I didn’t do anything all day long. (Side note…due to my upbringing, I’m conditioned to feel overwhelming guilt at not doing enough “chores” during the day. This is a whole other series of posts, just know that saying a day, once in a while, of nothing is ok is a big deal for me.) I find that if I have a day or even an afternoon of I’m-going-to-feel-crappy-right-now gets me to a point where I feel safe again and can take that next big breath and get going again. It’s a type of recharge for me. Notice I’m suggesting a day here, not a week or month. At some point it’s time to put on my big pants and get going again.
- Listen to music. A majority of people can find comfort within music. It doesn’t matter if it’s Bach, Barry Manilow or Beyonce. I have all types of music that I’ve purchased over the years to fit my mood for the moment. I will also listen to a song on repeat when it’s hitting me just right. For depression, I might recommend the following: Deep Water by American Authors, Get Up, State of My Head or Monsters all by Shinedown, Homecoming Queen by Kelsey Ballerini, or Connection by One Republic. If you would like a recommendation for a very quiet and calming song, then Uno by Deuter is the best.
- Work on or finish that project/task. I have more in-progress projects than I have time in my life to finish! I may be unusual in that regard, but I think that most of us have at least one thing we’ve started that’s not finished or one thing that we’d like to do that we haven’t yet started. It feels good to me to accomplish something, so about a week ago, I pulled down a box of photos that were from a trip I took in college that had partially been put into a book 15 years ago. They’ve been sitting there for 15 years and I’ve moved them over and over again in that state. It’s really ridiculous. Just the act of working on that project and setting the goal to finish it – hopefully within a few weeks – made me feel better. And because my hands were busy, I wasn’t using them to eat!
- Swap out a snack. Many people who are depressed have a vice of some type, mine is eating. Eating gives us a rush of dopamine and apparently I’ve become addicted to that. There are a lot of articles on the internet that discuss connections between what we eat and our moods. I think there’s some validity to those, but I do tend to take them with a little bit of skepticism too. That said, this past week, instead of a little bag of mini muffins for my morning snack, I’ve been taking a banana and flavored yogurt. It’s about the same calories, but more “fresh”. I’ve also been trying to eat beef jerky, pumpkin seeds, peanuts or string cheese for my afternoon snack instead of granola bars. I don’t know if it’s helping yet or not, but knowing I’m making an effort and am trying helps me mentally.
I know those general tips I find on the internet for fighting depression are good, solid, research-based advice. But when I’m in a headspace where energy and motivation are very difficult to find, trying to follow those tips and completely changing my life is too much. We all know we should get good sleep, eat better and exercise, but it’s very draining to get there. It’s not that I’m ignoring those tried and tested suggestions, but I need shorter and more immediate changes that can help propel me forward. Changing how I eat and exercise is a lifelong struggle and a lifestyle change. For a lot of us, that doesn’t happen one day just because we decide to make it so (I wished I were one of those people who could actually do that).
I feel like the list I’ve created above is a list of items that mostly take a lower amount of energy to do and the tasks could be the baby steps that may lead to some of those bigger lifestyle changes that I, and I’m guessing so many of us, would like to actually create for ourselves. I research internet articles constantly. I ignore many of them that are written by people like myself and attempt to focus on those that are supplied by qualified professionals. Although, sometimes I find an article chronicling someone’s specific journey and end up finding a nugget of information that might help me too. Maybe I’ve listed something that can help others, maybe it’s a big pile of crap. I am just an average person trying to navigate a frustrating path for myself and looking for something to keep me motivated. This list helps remind me to stay motivated.
