I think our collective emotional turmoil as a society, in part, has something to do with the intense proliferation of “you” articles and books. There are two types of books riding a massive publishing wave right now (in my opinion), self-help and anything pro or con Trump. Let’s exclude the Trump literature from this discussion, some dead horses just don’t need to be beaten any further. However, I’d like to write about the self-help books and include articles in that category. Any article, including those found on the internet, in a physical newspaper, magazine or published in a newsletter of any type.
When I open a new tab in my browser, I get a news feed that pops up. I use the word “news” very loosely here as it’s more of a feed of articles and advertisements. I end up scrolling through them and taking the bait more often than I should. They have titles like “Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn’t Your Type” and “Don’t Quit Your Job Before Asking Yourself These Questions.” If I go to MSN.com or similar sites, they too have a list of articles that are changed out every few hours in order to keep the site fresh. Many of these articles have titles similar to ‘Things You Should Never Eat Over 40’ and “Secret Messages Your Body Is Telling You.” There are thousands of these types of titles on the internet and they all have one thing in common – “you”.
Let’s jump back to books. Currently in Barnes and Nobel’s top 20 there are titles like “You Are Enough…” and “Built Not Born…”. Both fall into a self-help type of category. I do admit I put the plethora of leadership books into that same category because their purpose is to try to sell someone the secret to success similar to those that attempt to sell the secret to health and well-being. All are trying to instruct us in something, give us a way to better ourselves, at least in theory. One other thing I’ve noticed on the shelves currently in this category is a population of books with profanity in the title such as “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”. I was a sucker and bought that one, unfortunately. I find it laughable that there is one little character that is supposed to disguise a profanity. So many of these books have fuck and shit and bullshit in their titles, I can only surmise that the purpose is to shock someone into buying it. Apparently science and research is no longer enough, we now are only supposed to trust those who use blunt and offensive language because somehow that makes the author more like me and supposedly more trustworthy as an “expert”. I’ve been known to use both fuck and shit often in my conversations, but have toned that down as I’ve aged because I realized that an excessive use of those words was just me trying to wear a verbal suit of armor. Thinking first, using the breadth of the English language, that’s what gives me actual protection. So using curse words in a title is more likely to alienate me these days instead of entice me. And it says to me that the author is probably as scared and rudderless in life as I feel I am.
But I digress. This was supposed to be about “me” and “you”.
A simple word can have incredible impact. I know I’ve heard words said to me that I’ve not been able to forget about years later. I believe most human beings are similar. When all of these articles and titles use the word “you” instead of “me” or “I”, they become more accusatory or instructional in nature. They are designed to lull us into the thought that the author of such articles is an expert on whatever crap they’ve decided to write about. It might sound much more boring, but a scientific research paper is often devoid of “you” or “I”. Yet the information in these papers is much more valuable than “Why You Shouldn’t Exercise To Lose Weight…” I’ve become a victim of these articles and really hate that I fell for it. Not only that, but I find I’m struggling to get myself free of their grasp. Somehow the message that I am completely knowledge-less without the instruction provided in these articles and books got to me.
I bought into the thought that everyone out there knew better than me on just about everything because they were telling me what was right or wrong. It’s right there in the title, they are speaking directly to me because they say “you”. I truly believe that it’s this general cultural vibe that’s pissing so many of us off and causing us to feel angry and alienated and lonely. I don’t think that many of us really want to be told what to do with our lives, I certainly don’t. We do have to abide by certain laws and rules set within our society in order to provide a framework within which to operate, but I don’t need someone morally judging me because I order fries and a burger instead of a sustainably farmed seafood salad. I’m really tired of reading that everything I’ve been doing in my life is wrong because someone out there supposedly has the real knowledge of what I should be eating over 40 (yes, that was another real article) and chances are I’m not currently doing it! I can continue to try to better myself every day, but just as I can’t be right all the time, it’s true that I can’t always be wrong. I’m not the nicest or smartest person in the world, but I’m not the meanest or stupidest either.
I made myself a promise when I started writing and that promise was that I wasn’t going to use the judgmental word “you”. It’s too accusatory. If I was going to write, I needed to feel comfortable using the words “I” and “me”. I want to own what I’m writing, as these are my thoughts and feelings and opinions, no one else’s. If I were to use the word “you” I think it would take away from the message and the therapeutic power that writing has for me. I don’t always meet that standard I’ve set for myself because it’s so easy to slide into a place where I want to write less personally out of fear of being judged, but it’s the first rule I set and I really do try to stick to it. I used the option of not allowing comments to provide that judgmental (aka internet troll) barrier instead. I think the use of the word “you” when trying to express some seemingly profound thought is more about trying to deflect responsibility. If I want to express some seemingly profound thought, I think it’s much better for me to be responsible for my opinion and that makes me more careful in my speech (hopefully) and I think it feels much more satisfying as well.
I can’t help but wonder if writers could stop for a moment and think about the titles and tone of their words, if perhaps we would create a more inviting atmosphere for conversation and collaboration. I truly don’t know the answer to that, but it’s a question I have been asking myself for a few months. I feel like we’ve slowly and quietly slipped into a society where millions of individuals have shifted into millions of individual dictators imposing opinions on “you” instead of millions of humans opening themselves up to share stories about “me”.
