We moved again. It’s the 14th address I’ve had in just over 20 years. It won’t be the last. We’re renting again, this time a smaller house than the last few we’ve lived in. That’s ok, in fact it’s more than ok. I very much dislike houses that are large in square feet yet functionally still don’t work well. This house is small enough that we could probably use about 200-500 more square feet. That would make the kitchen a bit more functional, as well as the home office. In addition, I’d rearrange the spaces that make up what we’re using as a master suite as well as what I’m using for a craft room, but the general square feet of those spaces works, just not quite the shape. Yet overall it functions better than the larger house we just left and it feels much more homey.
Renting a smaller place means that we had a catalyst for getting rid of stuff. Packing and unpacking every single item that I own meant thinking about each piece. Thanks to some good therapy over the last 2 years, I felt more than ready to get rid of things. I’ve been feeling that way for over a year, but with some emotional issues still in the works, getting laid off from my job, looking for a job and trying to plan another move, going through and discarding items just wasn’t a priority. It is now.
We’re basically unpacked and set up and have a few furniture items slated to go as well as several small and medium sized boxes of various items that I want to see go away. I needed an emotional transformation to allow me to see our physical items differently and therefore be able to better evaluate what to keep and what to nix. This is the emotional and mental state that therapy has allowed me to reach. However, I’m experiencing an additional emotional transformation as I’m packing up stuff to get rid of.
Here are a few thoughts that have gone through my head as I’ve been unpacking.
- Keeping everything has prevented me from focusing on the things that are most important to me or that I enjoy the most. There is some truth to the idea that if you have a bunch of things then nothing stands out. Having fewer items means those most important are front and center. In my case, it means that I can focus my energy more on working on projects that mean more to me.
- I’ve kept a whole lot of things from my childhood through today. They’ve been stored in plastic totes and cardboard boxes for 20+ years. I never take those items out and look at them. I went through all of them this past week and condensed 5 totes into just 2. I kept the few items that I’d like to still have in 10 or 20 years like prom photos, yearbooks and a few childhood keepsakes, but decided that I didn’t need to keep every single scrap of paper or group photo of every event. I also realized I had been keeping items from my youth that were a part of my life and yet not really important to me. There was no longer any need to hold on to that baggage.
- Related to the above point, a thought occurred to me I am allowed to lead my own life. Because of the messages I received from adults during my childhood, I felt that I needed to hold on to everything. I’ve had a small vintage desk for 25 years that has served me well off and on but not all the time. It’s also not great quality. And it’s not even a desk, it was once a vanity table, very antique looking. I don’t mind a few antiques, but find that I’d prefer more modern items, even if they are still “antiques” such as mid-century modern or art deco items, not Victorian like this little desk. Something told me I needed to hang on to these items because that’s what my grandmother, mother and father would do. It’s taken me decades to realize that I don’t have to live life like that.
- I am allowed to change and the items that I surround myself with are allowed to reflect that change. I’m not the same person I was 30 years ago, 20 years ago or even 2 months ago. I am still conflicted about buying items only to get rid of them later because I don’t think that’s sustainable. As I’ve evaluated the items that we do have, I’ve realized that our coffee table is now 18 years old, the sofa table is probably about 16 years old. I’ve purchased or refurbished several second-hand items like my drafting table so that I’m not feeding the consumer machine. I’m making more thoughtful choices in what I buy and bring into the house now rather than just buying “stuff” to fill the emotional voids. I’d rather have higher quality items that have more meaning and are likely to hold up physically over time. That doesn’t reflect many things we have now, but it can be a motto for my future.
I know there are a ton of articles, blogs, videos, lists, books and gurus out there that have been discussing clutter for years. I also know that one type of building that is being constructed in any quantity are those rental storage units. This says that we, as a society, have a “stuff” problem. We’ve been conditioned to buy, buy, buy. I think this started mainly in the 1980s when items started to become cheaper. However, I’m changing my thought processes to ask myself first if I love this item, need this item or if this item will just serve as a temporary high which will then turn into a lowered bank account and an emotional burden due to clutter.
I do know that releasing myself of the burden to hold on to everything I’ve ever owned is freeing and is a critical step for me in becoming the person I want to be.
